“Capitol Couture”? Oh, give me a BREAK

K, really? Before I rant about how wrong, wrong, wrong and WRONG this is, I should probably preface my opinion by talking about how unfashionable I am.

Merriam-Webster online lists several definitions of the word ‘style’, and guess what? They contradict:
– “A distinctive manner of expression”
– “The state of being popular, as in ‘clothes that are always in style’”

Well shit, English. You’ve got ‘distinctive’ and you’ve got ‘popular’. How about you make up your mind so those of us who try to communicate can actually make some sense?

I have come to terms with the fact that I am completely useless for fashion. Any attempt I have ever made toward keeping up with the new thing has made me unhappier in exact proportion to what the item cost me, an item that will sit in the deepest dregs of my closet because it was trendy and ergo is now worthless. I used to make myself buy colorful clothing in the latest seasonal shades but I would always opt to wear the black, so I stopped wasting money and reconciled myself to the fact that if I wasn’t going to be ‘hip’, I would at least be honest.

If I am ever complimented on my style (and it happens, somehow) it is because my ensembles represent me well. Not to advocate judging a book by its cover, but you can pick up cues as to what I am about by how I choose to adorn myself. I guess you could say I wear my heart on my sleeve. The fact that my particular tastes are not represented in couture magazines or high-end stores means that I am not ‘fashionable’, but the fact that my look is distinctive says I do have ‘style’. I would like to see these words forever distinguished from one another because it really rankles me when trend-followers are described as ‘stylish’ when they are in fact the exact opposite.

You might be wondering what sent me off on this rant. Behold: in anticipation of the highly anticipated Hunger Games movie, a Tumblr called Capitol Couture has been launched, celebrating all the wonderful fashion goodness that is in store for us in the movie.

Here’s the problem with that. The story is set in a dystopian, post-apocalyptic future. The country of Panem is made up of 12 poverty-stricken disctricts that are ruled by a fascist Capitol that is filthy with wealth and luxury. The heroine of the story spends the entire series hating the Capitol, bashing the Capitol and eventually (spoiler alert) overthrowing the goddamn Capitol. She ridicules the residents of Capitol for their absurdity and their superficial emptiness. She criticizes how the Capitol media is only interested in fashion and appearances. The whole trilogy is essentially a critique of what post-industrial processes are doing to the world and what it might look like should this corruption and rampant consumerism continue. Full stop. This is what the books are about and they’re awesome and people are shitting themselves with excitement about the movies, this crankypants included. Does anyone else see the irony here?

I am a horror fan. I get how sometimes you want to root for the bad guys. Sometimes I honestly wish zombies would come cause some shit so that we would all smarten the fuck up. But the Capitol? Come on, people.  You’re going to take this wonderfully subversive story and make it a fashion show. Thanks for ruining everything for everyone, “fashion”.

Oh, and before anyone rolls their eyes at me and tries to tell me the Tumblr is meant to be ironic, it doesn’t matter. Whatever it was “meant for”, it’s going to sell millions of dollars worth of hideous shit off a genuinely oppositional story and that is what pisses me off.